Invisible illness turns me into the Hulk!

Updated: Jun 12

There are a few things that almost guarantee a person will be a bit shall we say tetchy...

Those are:

Tiredness.

Pain.

Low moods.

So many conditions cause all three of these daily, except tiredness does not do it justice, it is more like full on exhaustion and some.


When you are in a body that always feels wiped out, that causes you pretty much constant pain all day and night it means your mood can get very, very low. Some of these conditions are called invisible illnesses as on the outside the person looks fine but all the mayhem is going on inside. Like most people they try to not let their health rule them and put on a brave face for others to see. I do this too, because if I moaned every time I hurt or felt awful I would be moaning the whole time and I do not want to do that. The resulting problem with this is that everyone around you is like 'well you look ok'... Just so you know this is not a welcomed comment for most people with these conditions.


I admit it I can be very snappy, intolerant and easily set off. Just talking to people is exhausting and many times a day the thought of talking can fill you with dread and this means I end up giving short snappy answers, then I feel bad. This kind of situation happens way more than I wish it would.


Now MY HULK MOMENTS (my invisible illness turns me into the hulk), well this generally happens when I feel like I am doing all kinds and not getting any help or when I do things which cause me great pain and exhaustion and someone comes along and abliterates it! This is because it weakens my motivation for next time and I get emotional and feel like no one understands and considers what this does to me and so on. It is an awful feeling and when I am busying myself and everyone is sat watching me struggle, then if they say the wrong thing, I grow to a giant, I turn green, ripping my clothes and then scream at everyone. WOW I unleash and then I have to take myself of for a calm down, cry, shrink back down, go back to my natural colour and sort myself out. Basically it boils down to things getting on top of me and be not being able to sort everything out, I get frustrated and sad about it all. I feel isolated at times as I know no one in my family or my friends understand, but how could they? In some of my worst HULK moments I have even shouted 'I wish you could spend a week in my body' awful I know but that is how this can manifest itself, these are cruel condtions.


My website has begun because of all this as there is not enough research, treatment, awareness, help and certainly not much understanding about it all. The stigma attached to these illnesses is just horrendous and it has to stop. I hate telling people what is wrong with me because I assume most people go along with the crap that is said about it and it makes my anxiety go to the max and then I just avoid people. Which results in further isolation, the only plus in this is lockdown was easier and meant we did not have to avoid anyone, any situation or say 'NO' to anyone!! Bliss.


So many people who I used to consider friends I no longer see or hear much from, when I first lost my job I was pretty much at my worst low eb I have ever felt and so when offers came to meet for a coffee I made all the excuses under the sun as to why I couldn't meet up, telling them the real reason at that time was just too difficult. Until you can accept the condtions you find it so hard to even say what it is. After a couple of attempts of people trying to meet with you they basically stopped bothering and have drawn their own and likely wrong conclusions. I do get down about it because if they asked me now I would be honest if I could not make it and I would go when I could. That moment has now gone so I just stick with a few people who stuck by me and have not judged me. Quality over quantity is best and those few will have your well being at heart as you would theirs.


Do you have A HULK moment or similar?

Please share your stories or just comment.


Hope to speak soon x