Proof is in the pudding!


This is a saying you have probably heard bandied about a lot 'the proof is in the pudding' (This expression means that the best way to find out if something is good or successful is to test it yourself. , but it is a good one as it can be used in multiple situations. I am going to use it in terms of when you give or recieve an apology. Firstly are you any good at giving out apologies? Do you recieve apologies well? Do you find them meaningful? Does it change the situation? Some people find apologising very difficult and even impossible. Why is this? Is it losing the power in the situation? Could it be it leaves people feeling vunerable and open? Admitting you are wrong can make people feel humiliated or inadequate so they will avoid it entirely. Even if the result is catostrophic, they just cannot do it. I think this is usually the result of something that has most likely happened at another time in their lives. So controlling their emotions is key as this ensures that others can not get too close creating a barrier between them. Often this can be under the umbrella of narcisim, when a person will behave in a frustrated manor and generally cannot admit any mistakes they have made. If they are never wrong then they do not need to apologise! Equally someone giving you an apology can make you feel awkward and brush away the apology almost as though they had nothing to apologise for, even though the situation actually left you very angry or upset. By doing this though that person may again cross a line as you reacted this way last time meaning that another situation may come up that you will not be happy with but no apology will come. Leading to a vicious cycle continuing. I think this happens because suddenly the spot light is on you and all the focus is all on your response to the apology. In order to get it out of the way and shift the focus away from you it ends up being brushed aside like it was never needed. We are taught from a very young age to say sorry, to stand there whilst someone apologises to you. I wonder why then it is so many of us find this area of communication sooo very difficult. Please if you have any thoughts share them by commenting below. So you get your needed apology, now what? It is a short word that can be said - BUT does it mean ANYTHIING? It is all fine saying it and it being accepted but if it is not genuine then you will find out not too far down the line they are apologising again and so the cycle continues... An apology is meant if after it a change occurs. Does the person seem to be trying to not repeat the issue? Has it not happened since last time? Have you noticed an improvement in the situation? An apology without change can be in some cases a way of a person manipulating another. Who knew a simple word could have so much going on! 'Sorry seems to be the hardest word' - Elton John.