Avoidance, anyone else do this?So many of us avoid situations and doing things because we THINK we cannot do it or that we will not enjoy it?
I am guilty of this and I have done this throughout my life, I am now in my forties and have now have a few health problems which now DO STOP me doing a lot of things I wish I could do. The regrets I mostly have is that I let my anxiety's prevent me from doing or enjoying things that I now cannot do. Due to this I try my best to encourage others to give things a try and go for it. My Dad suffered from PTSD and this took over a chunk of the last years of his life. Leaving the house was an ordeal and something he did not do very often, it gives you mixed feelings, sadness and anger. Sadness that they are missing out and anger because you feel like that he was giving in to it or not trying. These feelings are normal and all you can do is let them feel supported. For my Dads birthdays I used to book him days out with us but I would just have to make sure it was at quiet times and not too busy. I knew he dreaded the build up to these days out but he usually had a voucher that would last 12 months and that way he had time to sort his head out and prepare himself to do it. The best part was after we had our day out or experience he always clearly had a great time. Afterwards he would always bring those days up fondly and talk about them often, more so the ones we did after we had the kids.
Now he has passed I am SO GLAD we did those days out, it eases the sadness that not all his days were ruined by his PTSD. Those are the memories I think of most, when he had his biggest smiles and enjoying time with his grandchildren. Watching my Dad suffer through PTSD makes me even more aware that you have to take the opportunities when you can and enjoy life to the fullest you can manage. If you need help then that is ok and if talking to someone will help then go for it, the worst that can happen is it does not work but at least you tried it. The bonus is if it does help then you can take back a bit of what you may have lost and have easier days to come.
This is not always easy and sometimes we need help in not AVOIDING these opportunities but I hope I can help at least my children make the most of their lives and keep them smiling. We all want this for our families but we must remember that it is important to do this for ourselves to, you can only help others if you allow yourself to be helped too. It is ok to have help, it is ok to ask for help and it definitely ok to give help. Even if someone says I do not need help, that is not always true and I think this is were AVOIDANCE happens. If we AVOID it then we don't need to address it. The result of this is filling up that pot and when it gets full it begins to boil.... and we know what happens then!
Gentle hugs,
Tracey x