Updated: Jun 12, 2021
Are you missing your pre-child life?
So for this question there really is no wrong answer. HONESTLY!
When your having a tough day/week/month or whatever and for a second or two BAM your thinking about how easy it was before you had kids, then you panic and start thinking 'oh god I must be a terrible person/parent for even thinking that for one second.
Not everyone has this happen but I would say there is a fair amount of people who do this very thing, I know nearly every parent I have known has done this.
Just because you have moments when things get tough and sometimes bloody down right unbearable and you think 'WTAF was I thinking I am not coping and I suck at this!!'
Do not beat yourself up as most of us have been there. Not just the one time either!
Go and give yourself a few moments alone, sit down and take some deep breathes. You are not alone and now it is time to think through this. Think about what other things you miss. It can be anything you like but just sit and think about what things or people you miss.
Have you thought of something yet?
Here is what I have thought about what I miss. So here it goes, I miss my freedom, my health, my hair!, I miss the face I should have grown up with, I miss my old body, I miss my career (partly!), I really bloody miss my Dad and I miss what my body can no longer cope with. As you read my list did you think 'Oh my god she is just awful?'
NO YOU DID NOT!
WHY - because it is perfectly ok to miss anything. When you miss something do you stop living and going through your day?, do you neglect your children? NO.... Your just having a moment and what you must realise is if you didn't have your children you would be sat worrying about something else you thought or did......
When these moments happen I think it is just your heads way of saying ease up, you need a break, you need some non parent fun or just some blissful peace and quiet.
Everyone needs and deserves some time off the stress clock no matter what the stress is you have.
When you last had a night out did your child/children hate you?, forget about you?, notice you had gone even? NO.
As much as they need us a lot they are fine without us for short periods of time, in fact I honestly feel like children can sometimes benefit from a break from us just as we can benefit from a break from them.
It also allows the child/children to learn some non parent independance which I think is healthy for them. There is pleasure in achieving anything on your own and inherently instills confidence, wether you are an adult or a child.
Doing things seperately is healthy and good for a family. It allows you to share with each other what you have all been getting up to, the excitment and intrigue of each other will put smiles on your faces and no doubt some laughter. If we all spent every moment together, which we all kind of have had too this past year, then what the hell would you talk about?
You would then be sat around having tea with nothing to talk about and share with one another. The mood would inevitably get lower, lower and lower. Following this some tetchy answering back would start, then BOOM then arguments would start over things that are seriously not worth all the stress.
Think about things in your life you have only done due to someone else experiencing it and recommending you try it..... loads of stuff. If you just sat day in day out feeling bad about wanting to do things that do not involve the rest of your family but not admitting to it or acting on it, then what do you think would happen?
Sadly, most likely end up in a degree of depression. In turn would lead to more stress building up, more arguments, more strain, more tensions and sadly can end up in relationships breaking down.
SO, you take that deep breathe, get up and plan something for yourself. GO and do it, then come home and tell your family all about it. They will see you smiling, laughing with the excitement of what you have done and they in turn will smile, laugh and get excited with you. The best part is, your ethusiasim will rub off on those around you and they too will plan things for themselves as they see it is perfectly ok to do things that do not involve each other.
Enjoy your you time with no guilt.